One More Step

Tear drops hang on the end of her eyelashes,
But they do not fall.
Her body is shaking from standing,
But she does not collapse.
The pit of her stomach feels hollow and weak,
But she is not crippled from the pain.
Her lungs are filling up with blood,
But she has no strength left to cough.
Her mind is numb from pain,
She can’t remember who is to blame.
Frozen, she does not hear the cars
Zoom by and honk at her.
Frozen, she does not feel the cold, frigid
Fog surrounding her.
Frozen, she does not see the edge of
The bridge that her legs have carried her to.
All her mind can think is
“How could he do this to me?
I thought he loved me…
I thought he loved me…”
As her legs take one
More step and she
Falls.

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Art

Sometimes I identify it as a piece of my heart
Sometimes I identify it as just one more scar
But truthfully, it is my soul in the form of art.
This art, it is not the pretty kind
It is striking and will always catch your eye.
But you will not smile a happy smile.
You will recoil inwardly
I do not mean for it to look appealing
There is not a single though in my mind
Of beauty, I do not care nor want
When I carve my art, all I yearn for is pain
Never once have I felt what I desire.
Pain might just be what it takes me to stop.
But a razor appears, a slice is left and down drips my blood
Something is absent in this crimson equation of mine
One piece of art this time, perhaps two?
Where? How about my stomach?
No one will ever see
One, two… now ten, ten visions of my bloody art.
Once again I am devoid of my desire
No pain, but just a hint of release
I long for more, but I’m lacking adequate blood, you see
So for tonight, I must stop… awaiting tomorrow.
Today I do not identify it as a piece of my heart
Nor is it or ever will be just one more scar
Now, truthfully, it is my soul in the form of red, bloody art.

Childhood

I took the rusty blade from the bottom of the toolbox.
There as a child, it had been sat, while I watched them build and destroy.
The love that was felt then, I feel no more, only regret and pity I now know.
I sit in the schoolyard, stripy socks, on my legs pulled high.
The black nail polish covered fingers wrapped tightly around the pencil.They stand and laugh, their skirts short and tops cut low.
The friendship and loyalty there, lost as childhood left.
I brush the tears from my face, my arms mangled and bloody with wounds old and new.

The pen falls from my hand as my blood takes the pills. Paper not below me, I fall deep into the darkness.
The loneliness I’ve known for years becomes me, pulls me from them and ends my life.

No One Is Around

Crimson tears fall off my fingertips,
Onto my cold, tile floor.
As I sit there, alone,
So much pain in my heart.
I’ve been drinking all night,
Trying to get rid of this pain.
Nothing seems to help,
So I turn to my pretty razor.
You’re not there to save my life,
It isn’t worth it to you.
No one hears my screams,
My cries for help.
The longing for Love,
For care, for kindness.
No one is around,
No one to hear, no one to see.
You don’t show me love anymore,
You don’t care anymore.
You ignore me,
Then you blame me.
I’m done, can’t take it anymore,
So I’ll sit here on the floor.
Await my deep slumber,
As I stare at my razor kissed wrists….

Of Course

Where were you?
You knew what I was doing
When I was hiding
You knew how it would damage
But you never tried to help
My friends told you
Told you to make me stop
Why didn’t you?
Oh, if you had only stopped me then
I wouldn’t be in this deep
Wouldn’t have attempted to destroy myself
Wouldn’t have scars covering my complete body
Tell me dear friend, do you even care?
I don’t think you truthfully do
You can try to persuade everyone else you care
But I know your reality.
You care merely when there are other people
What about when there is only me
Only your depressed suicidal love?
I would ask if you care, but I know you don’t
The least you could do, is don’t pretend
To care, or to love me.
Because I know your heart.
And it does not wish for anything to do with me
Unless there are people by us, of course

I’m Free

I feel the heat of the blade in my hand
With the urge to go deeper and deeper
To see the blood flow
I feel the weight of the blade
As my body gets weaker and weaker
With all the blood that spills on the floor
I feel the blade against my wrist
And I cant stop
What is about to happen
I feel the blade move to make a cut
And another and another
I’m falling further and further away
I feel the blade slow
I feel my blood thinning
My head is spinning
Out of control
Then everything goes away
The blade disappears
The blood I cant see it
The pain is gone I am free
From the pain I cause me

Ugly Mess

The blood drips to the floor.
Relief sinks in.
The pain flows with the blood from the wound that I’ve created.
But the tears have stopped.
I sit there and try to catch my breath.
The pain took my breath like an orgasm.
I don’t do pills.
I don’t do doctors.
I do blades.
I can’t stop this habit now.
It’s just too good to quit.
My razor blade has kissed
My lovely little wrist
As I drop down the blade
What an ugly mess I’ve made
I wear long sleeved shirts,
Although it’s painfully hot.
I act as if I’m happy,
Though I know I’m not.
If I gave any clues,
They wouldn’t know what to do.
I just want to be left alone,
So I can do this on my own.
Really, I don’t want to stop,
I love seeing my blood drop.
This whole habit is sick,
And though it feels like just a prick,
It could kill me,
My life gone,
All my feelings
Soon withdrawn.
I told my love I’d not,
I told my friends the same,
My family doesn’t know,
Once again, I’m to blame.
Guilt choking me,
Poking my eyes so I can’t see.
Blinding me with its pricks,
Those naughty little tricks.
Making me addicted,
Friendships it’s conflicted.
Sometimes I feel disgusting,
Because it’s hard adjusting.
My razor blade has kissed
My lovely little wrist
As I drop down the blade
What an ugly mess I’ve made

Forgotten Name

I’m a perfect mistake
A failure at best
I’m a dead man walking
Walking amongst the rest
I don’t exist
But I continue to breathe
I matter to none
I’m buried beneath
Stained with loss
I never can win
I have nothing to fight for
Nothing to defend
My heart beats
Only to feel the pain
My tears make the tides
My eyes make the rain
Lonely among the millions
Crowded in this pit
Too deep to dig out
Too tired to give a shit
Weary in my thoughts
Losing my mind
This world is too greedy
It’s never been kind
Cornered by my fears
They haunt me at night
Worthless I am
I don’t even fight
Giving in
Because I lack a choice
My screams go unheard
Because I’ve lost my voice
My hope has diminished
And here comes the rain
Shaking and I shiver
I’m a forgotten name…

4am

I’m here at 4 in the morning
I can’t sleep
All I can think about is you
And the last conversation I had with you
I lay here disgusted at myself again
I lay here with my shirt up
Waiting for the cuts to stop bleeding
So the blood won’t get on my shirt
I can’t cut my wrists anymore
I don’t want to go back to the hospital
So I cut where no one can possible see unless I show them
If I go back I know I’ll die in there
The next time I show my stomach
You will ask what happened to me
And I will say that life happened
I write because I need to let it out
I’m not showing anyone I know my poems
Only the people I trust
Which is so far one
They may not rhyme
Or get your attention
Or even be considered a poem
But I don’t care
I’ll write this like a poem
And it will be read as one
This may sound random
Good advice
Mixed with all my problems
By this is my style of writing
So if you judge
Just let you know not to cause
I have the knowledge of the stuff I write about
So at least it’s out there helping people
And helping me

Lullaby

I linger in the darkness
Holding my little bloody blade
Playing rhythms of sorrow
Singing songs of misery
It is my little lullaby
My lullaby of pain
I sing it for you
As you keep hunting me
I sing it for you
As you keep killing me
I sing it for you
As you keep breaking my heart
And I dance
My dance of death
As my blood flows
I keep dancing
As my scream echoes
I keep dancing
It is my little lullaby
My lullaby of pain

Not finished?

She has the wings of a Angel,
Soul of a Demon,
And such a beautiful, but deadly kiss.
Shes fallen from the grace of God,
In the eyes of Tisiphone and her sisters, she thrives.
Shes a risen Demon.
Burned Heaven and all of It’s captured souls,
Froze over Hell and Cerberus timid,
She is your worst nightmare.
She will make you fall in love.
Find Happiness.
And build you up,
Only to tear you down.
Rip and shred your heart.
Lose all hope in life.
God is ashamed to have created such a beautiful killer.
Hades is ashamed to have fell head over heels for her.

Last On My Mind

My heart is racing,
This is a disaster.
Everything is a blur,
How could he be with her?
I gave you my heart,
You tore it apart,
Threw it away,
Now I’m crying everyday.
I can’t stand this pain,
My wrist is in constant pain.
Took a bullet and a knife,
Etched your name, my whole life.
Held the gun to my head,
Without you I’m already dead.
My work here is done,
Your name is on the bullet, and I am out of time.
Now everyone knows, you were last on my mind.

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